September 6, Wednesday

Today marks the six months that I have been employed. Half a year. I have been with a job for half a year already.

It has been six months since a naïve and idealistic girl walked through the doors of the office that would help her realize what she really wanted to do in life; the institution that let her see and understand what sacrifice is; the organization that made her feel and comprehend how serious working is. Likewise, it also taught her to really work hard and to be selfless.Too many times she thought about giving up and going home to the safe arms of her mom who dotes and cares for her. And countless times too that she managed to drive the idea away with the thoughts of her future, her schooling, her childrens’ futures, and their schooling too, and the fear of not being able to reach her dream or not trying hard enough, or the fear of people seeing her as a failure.

Amidst this six-month-roller-coaster-ride of emotion and doubts, there have been a lot of tears, twitter rants, anecdotes shared to the family, ideas and goals questioned, more questions with no known answers, complaints and assumptions (mostly on the administration), and more crying. Still, even after everything, there always was a time to laugh, and there were always, thankfully, good days.

It has been six months — a helluva six month roller coaster ride, and yet, I’m stil here. I’m still here standing and fighting, because somehow, I’m stronger and smarter now. I’m still naïve and idealistic but I’m a bigger and better person now because I am no longer the person I was six months ago. A lot has changed since then. A lot of mistakes have been committed, a lot of lessons learned but now, going forward, there are still more mistakes, and a lot more lessons. And at least for now, I’m more equipped and (hopefully) more ready than I was six months ago.

Countless times I have doubted and questioned myself and my abilities during these six months and yet I’m still here. This is all because of certain people who helped me through everything and for that, I am very thankful. My parents, for the constant support and infinite love; my friends for their support and understanding for when I’m being busy and distant; my housemates and which are also my workmates, for keeping me company, for teaching me how to adapt, for helping me control my temper, and for making me realize that there is a bigger world out there beyond my reach; my boyfriend for everything he did for me through all this, for being with me through all the emotional bullshit, for not leaving me when I have became unbearable and even I can’t bear with myself or whenever things got rough. Lastly, here’s a pat on the shoulder for you self, you did great, you stayed alive through all that and that is something to be proud of.