Don’t we all have those times where we just feel disconnected from everything? I know I do. Sometimes I blame it on the weather. (Like now, thank you very much Baguio!) Or sometimes it’s just really that time of the month before I get my period. This is when I feel all sorts of feelings and where my anxiety is on the freakin’ roof. Most days when I’m in a good or okay mood, I sing along to the radio and I usually laugh at corny jokes and memes I see on the internet. But if it’s that time of the month, I’m usually quiet, aloof, and always on the verge of crying.
Last Monday, I had one of those days. I got busy in the morning working on my tasks and finally starting on my freelance project for the company I used to work for. Everything was swell, I even found myself on BuzzFeed that afternoon. This should have been a warning. I then received a rather unsatisfying e-mail, and found that working on the website was not what I expected. In addition, with the lack of work that afternoon, my best friend anxiety found the best time to come visit. I decided to just rest for a while and watch movies. I chose to watch Grave of the Fireflies that afternoon. I had an idea of what the movie was about but I didn’t expect it to be that melancholic. I didn’t cry, although I felt sad and I think that’s worse. After watching it, I could already feel the sadness creeping into me so I decided to watch some TV series I usually clung on to when I was sad. First on the list was Black-ish. Big mistake. I forgot what happened on the last episode I watched and thought that I was gonna get the same funny but insightful stuff I’ve been used to. I didn’t. Bo and Dre are in the verge of a break up and watching them for years, being attached to their relationship and family, I suddenly felt attacked. I tried to put on a brave front after watching because it was time for dinner and the nightly conversations with the folks. Things didn’t get better. I went to bed crying.
The following day, I found myself still in a somber mood. But I still tried to work on the tasks I had to do that day. I ate breakfast, did yoga, took my vitamins, but on autopilot mode. First on my task list was trying the blending brush I bought last week.
I immediately felt a lightness around me. I no longer felt sad, or tense, or anxious. I began laughing at myself again. I grabbed one of my notebooks and just started drawing and sketching. I came up with a few and by the time I realized I have been sidetracked from all my other tasks, it was already noon. I abandoned all my other tasks that day and just did what I wanted. I read, I slept, and watched some more TV series.
This morning I just realized what working and art is doing for me. It’s very therapeutic to lose myself into it and just dwell in it. I feel happy when I draw and sketch letterings. I love to read and I guess the two are correlated since I usually use quotes for the letterings I create. With that, I decided to make it a habit and not just a pastime when I have nothing to do. I promised myself that I will produce at least one work a week. (I hope I can do this with my writing too, but I just feel uninspired right now in that area.)
P.S. I might have also went overboard with my signature in my e-mails. Ha-ha!