I made a vision board a few days ago as I was fixing my Notion pages. And this was the best thing as it finally completed my 2024 Journal cover page! I was struggling with how I could complete it and was running out of ideas. I don’t exactly remember what actually prompted me to make one. Maybe I was scrolling through Instagram and saw some reels about it.  It’s still a work in progress though, I keep changing it out bit by bit when something hits me that I want to add to it. I don’t really know if that’s allowed (who makes the rules here??). Maybe I’ll give myself until the end of the month for these modifications.

This wasn’t supposed to be a full-on blog post, and I was not really planning on reviving this blog full time. I was just supposed to be drafting my 2023 photo dump posts on IG, when I thought about the vision board I created. So, here we go. I will be breaking down the viz board while I look back on 2023 to kind of explain what prompted me to put these on the board.

First things first, what is a vision board?

“It’s a visual representation of your goals, says media and life coach Zakiya Larry. These typically poster-sized visuals contain all kinds of images and text that represent something you’re trying to accomplish.”

Brigitt Earley (Here’s How to Make a Vision Board for Manifestation)

This was really all I knew about a vision board. A board with photos and words of what one wanted to manifest in the future, and in this case, in the new year. So before I began to be serious about this, I joked about just making a board with money lol. I did make that board with just wads of cash in a full wallet plus different photos of one-thousand peso bills fanned out. But more than that though, on a serious note, aside from manifesting wads of cash (which I also included in the “final” vision board), I also want to start new habits on saving. I actually started this and planned it out mid-December last year. I utilized goals in my bank accounts as savings plans for some things I have been dying to buy for a while now. Aside from this, I’m also expecting more savings since I don’t have to enroll already as I have finally finished my master’s degree, which now brings us to—

photos of graduation and the Barbie professor sticker. After the grueling last quarter of 2023 of completing my degree, which included an almost 2 hours of defending my thesis, late nights of completing the revisions of my final manuscript trying to learn about R all on my own, and the anxiety of trying to get the manuscript approved in the submission portal, I have finally completed my master’s degree. I can finally be called ‘Master’. I jest, of course. So now I just have to complete my clearance so I can finally graduate and get my certificates and transcripts. This was all also happening while I was having my classes in Bio 100 and Botany 119. I honestly think I didn’t perform that great this semester but my students’ evaluations proved otherwise. I am forever thankful for my students this sem and for all the other sems before, for their patience and understanding. Now that there’s nothing important I need to accomplish anymore, I decided to apply for a full-time teaching position. Here’s hoping that I get word of it soon!

I’ve had my fair share of travelling locally last year. I went to Zambales with the SO and his sibs, their SOs, and their cousins. I went to Nueva Ecija and Aurora with Art and Cams and their family. I went to Kalinga with the SO and fam for lola Berta’s birthday. The SO and I also went to Cebu, just the two of us. Then there were numerous trips to the farm at Naguilian for a quick break from the quick pace of city life. All the while though, I’ve was thinking of travelling outside the country last year too. Particularly, I was thinking of travelling to Taiwan again, or to Thailand. Maybe that’s why I have been craving authentic pad thai for so many months now.  I put it in the vision board thinking I could go and make it happen this year, not realizing until later that in order for that to happen, I need to plan it beforehand lol. Maybe in the later part of the year? Or maybe I could just plan it for now? Or maybe I could focus on local trips for now? And that last one, hopefully with friends.

I didn’t have enough time to really do anything other than focus on work and my thesis the last couple of years. This year, aside from travelling, I really would like to try out new things like pottery and learning how to drive. I don’t think I even got into a new hobby last year because I was too busy. This year, I would also like to go back to writing again (hence this post) and to film photography too. Oh, and I’d like to add to the growing number of tattoos I have also. 2023 was truly a year for tattoos. I got two traditional tattoos and I also got a hand poke one. Equally painful but I love the results. Especially the hand poke one. The traditional ones was done by one of Apo Whang-Od’s apprentices when they came to Baguio. The SO and I wanted to get ring tattoos with the holding hands design but they couldn’t fit it in so we just opted for arrows on our ring fingers then we added the holding hands below our thumb on the back of our hands. My hand poke tattoo was done by Mikee (pokeymikee) of mnmlst studios. It is a kiss mark symbolizing me taking care of myself through a simple kiss on the back.

Relating to that last one, I got the tattoo because I felt like I haven’t taken care of my health this past year. 2023 was the year I found out I had lumps in my breasts, though thankfully they were not big enough nor malignant. I did have to discontinue taking my pills because of it. And now, I still haven’t had my period. What years of medication will do to a body. I also didn’t do any much of exercise this past year, so I would want to change it up this year with even a bit of walking and trekking if time permit. I also want to include eating healthy in this year’s goals and hopefully I could sustain this. I’ve gone on the scale so many times this year and though I don’t dread the process, I do dread seeing the fact that I am just gaining and gaining and gaining weight continuously and constantly. I love my body, I do. But I also want a slimmer one where I can wear what I want to wear without the anxiety of thinking about what people would think about what I was wearing or of I looked good in what I was wearing. Iove my body, I do, but sometimes, other peoples comments get to me and I crumble and start hating the extra fat in my stomach or the extra layers under my chin. It’s really unhealthy physically and mentally. So we’re changing that this year.

Speaking of sustainable, I haven’t been living too sustainably last year. I have been buying shoes and clothes impulsively because they were cheap or on sale. And my bursting closet is enough evidence to show that. I’ve had ‘Declutter closet’ in my to-do lists for so long and I haven’t gotten to starting it even until now. So this year I plan to be more intentional, not just with the shopping, but in all aspects of my life. Spontaneous ideas are still and always welcome. As someone with (not diagnosed) mild ADHD, these will always come but these should be coupled with thoughtful planning and organization — which I love doing anyway.

One idea I have thought a lot and long enough about is moving away. I can’t really see myself staying at home but I can’t also see myself yet, in the near future, leaving the city. So this plan of ours, me and my SO’s about studying abroad (Australia) is progressing in a snail’s pace. Frankly because I’m not yet too keen on the idea of studying again though as I feel like I have just gained control of my life again and as I’ve listed here, there are still so much that I still want to do and experience. A lot of people, even my dad, though, have been urging me to leave the country and try out life elsewhere. I have no set date on this yet, and actually a set goal, but maybe we (with the SO) will just work on the processing of papers, scholarships and visa this year. I think that much is enough. Though I also miss talking to and meeting with Cha to talk about life. We do talk with reels and stuff on IG but it still is different from talking in person and face to face. We could cry and hug each other of we wanted to. We could go on on-a-whim dates to try out restos with Zelle when we wanted to or when we see each other around town. Also, no wedding bells here yet, I guess. Just this first.

Lastly, and most importantly, improving myself, by setting boundaries, healing and loving myself and self-care. Last year, admittedly, I let myself be pushed around and stepped on all because I could not say ‘no’. This year I will strive to set concrete boundaries and stand by them. And to do that, I will have to practice not getting affected by talk about it. So many times last year I caught myself dissociating from myself. It was different from all the other times where I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself (now as I’m typing this I realize that it my have been dissociative amnesia brought on by trauma) . This time it felt like I was trying to look at myself the way other people looked at me. I’m not sure though if this was healthy as I could develop my self-awareness or of it was just fuelling my need for external validation. But again I will have to change this with ‘better’ coping mechanisms and lessening the need for external validations. I guess all in all this vision board is just me manifesting a better and healthier version of myself this 2024. Hopefully I can manage even just that no matter how complex and wide-range this list resulted to.

This is not a complete look back on what the past year has been like. Honestly it felt like I was just looking at the good side of it and just scratching the surface of the bad side of it. There is nothing most painful than the death of two grandmas within months of each other. Though maybe I’ll save that for another post. The self-loathing and self-depreciation I hid behind jokes and sarcastic remarks was almost a habit with how often I’ve done it. It still feels difficult to think about myself in a more positive light. Looking back, all of my new year posts the past years cited the difficulties, the pain, and just all the bad things. Admittedly, they really were bad, but I should not have let these overshadow the good. Now, for these year, I am hopeful and I want to look back on this year—next year—with a happy heart and no regrets.

So, here goes.